


Yet Another V3 Group Chat

by komaedead (basicleaf)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Gen, Texting, a bunch of other stupid stuff who knows, cryptid hoshi but that's to be expected, gonta almost crytypes, kiibo? never heard of him (no worries he shows up eventually), maki and tenko plan to kill ouma at one point, naturally he throws a tantrum, no one adds ouma to the chat, the worst usernames ever, this is yet another shitty texting fic what are you expecting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-14 08:08:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicleaf/pseuds/komaedead
Summary: avocado weed man has come online.avocado weed man has added Kokichi Ouma to the chat.avocado weed man has gone offline.Kokichi Ouma: hello motherfuckers





	1. Friendship! Chat is Not Friendly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _avocado weed man has come online._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _avocado weed man has added Kokichi Ouma to the chat._
> 
>  
> 
> _avocado weed man has gone offline._
> 
>  
> 
> Kokichi Ouma: hello motherfuckers

**[9:42 p.m.]**

_Kaede Akamatsu has created a new group chat._

_Kaede Akamatsu has renamed the chat Friendship!_

Shuuichi Saihara: wait um

Shuuichi Saihara: i’m not sure what’s going on

Kaede Akamatsu: That’s okay, Saihara-kun!

Kaede Akamatsu: I just created a group chat for all of us to get along!

Himiko Yumeno: but… did you really have to name it friendship

Kaede Akamatsu: That’s the point of the chat!

Himiko Yumeno: i mean i guess

_Ryoma Hoshi has left the chat._

Kaede Akamatsu: I

_Kaede Akamatsu has added Ryoma Hoshi to the chat._

Kaede Akamatsu: I went through this much effort to bring us closer together you are not leaving like this Hoshi-kun

Ryoma Hoshi: in that case

_Ryoma Hoshi has left the chat._

Miu Iruma: SDJWALJH

Miu Iruma: fuckin WASTEDD

_Miu Iruma has changed their name to tits mcgee._

tits mcgee: alright lets get this FUCKING STARTED

_Kaede Akamatsu has added Ryoma Hoshi to the chat._

Kaede Akamatsu: HOSHI-KUN YOU ARE NOT LEAVING

Ryoma Hoshi: ill leave once you go offline

Rantarou Amami: ouch

_Rantarou Amami has changed their name to avocado weed man._

Shuuichi Saihara: why

avocado weed man: let’s be honest that’s what everyone thinks of me

Tenko Chabashira: you’re a man that’s to be expected

avocado weed man: </3

_Tenko Chabashira has changed their name to I LOVE GIRLS_

I LOVE GIRLS: get your disgusting heart away from me and my harem

avocado weed man: you and what harem

tits mcgee: DJFGKJHLKJ VJHKLF

tits mcgee: ROASTEDD

I LOVE GIRLS: IRUMA YOURE SUPPOSED TO DEFEND ME

I LOVE GIRLS: himiko-chan back me up here

_Himiko Yumeno has changed their name to i’m girls._

i’m girls: i’d cast a greasy hair curse on you but it looks like you already have one

avocado weed man:

tits mcgee: FGKJHLKHJH OPIOSEG GLIL HA

tits mcgee: GET CUCKED GREASY BOY

avocado weed man: the whole world is against me

Maki Harukawa: if this group chat is just Iruma-san keyboard slamming every ten seconds i’m leaving

Kaede Akamatsu: Ah, Harukawa-san! Good to see you’re onli

Kaede Akamatsu: Please don’t

Maki Harukawa: i’m not leaving just yet

Maki Harukawa: just hovering over the leave chat button

avocado weed man: threatening

_Kaito Momota has changed their name to moonman_

moonman: cmon harumaki it’s just the beginning of the chat

Maki Harukawa: and i’m already inclined to leave

Maki Harukawa: even more so now that you’re here

moonman: WHAT

moonman: WHY

tits mcgee: GJHKJGSD

Maki Harukawa: hey Iruma-san, remember what i said earlier?

tits mcgee: whatever lmao that’s bakamatsu’s problem

Kaede Akamatsu: Iruma-san, do NOT make Harukawa-san leave the chat.

avocado weed man: whoa bursting out the periods

Shuuichi Saihara: just a little note but Akamatsu-san only uses periods when she’s dead serious

avocado weed man: oh

i’m girls: oh

moonman: oh

tits mcgee: oh

Kaede Akamatsu: :)

Shuuichi Saihara: and she doesn’t use smileys when she’s happy

tits mcgee: you seem to know a lot abt bakamatsu

tits mcgee: trying to get in her pants?? ;))

Shuuichi Saihara: i’m gay, Iruma-san.

tits mcgee: i

avocado weed man: since Iruma-san can’t keyboard slam rn i’ll do it

Maki Harukawa: are you sure you want to do that

avocado weed man: on second thought nvm

Angie Yonaga: nyahaha!! o(>ω<)o

tits mcgee: oh thank god a subject change

Angie Yonaga: **thank kami-sama

Maki Harukawa: um

Angie Yonaga: anyway!!! kami-sama told angie to check her student handbook

Angie Yonaga: and when she did, this mysterious notification popped up! ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

Angie Yonaga: and now… angie has entered this magical group chat!! (⌒▽⌒)♡

Kaede Akamatsu: Yonaga-san! I’m so glad you’re here!

Kirumi Tojo: Good evening, everyone. After cleaning some rooms, I decided to check my student handbook and I see that Akamatsu-san has created a group chat. I apologize if I’m late here.

Kaede Akamatsu: No no Tojo-san! This is perfect timing! We were just starting to talk here

moonman: hey everythings great and all but

moonman: there’s just,,, so many emoticons,,

Angie Yonaga: (￣～￣　)

moonman: why yonaga

Angie Yonaga: hmm… hmm…  <(￣ ﹌ ￣)> angie thinks kami-sama is trying to tell her something…

avocado weed man: what’s he trying to tell you

Angie Yonaga: i think… he’s trying to say… ( ￣ω￣)

Angie Yonaga: that kaito’s a little bitch

tits mcgee: JKHGFGHGJHKGJHLK

tits mcgee: H OLY SH I T

i’m girls: omg

avocado weed man: 911 ive just witnessed a murder

_Maki Harukawa has left the chat._

tits mcgee: w

tits mcgee: wait shit no

Kaede Akamatsu: Iruma-san.

tits mcgee: IM SORRY AKAMATSU DOTN KILL ME IN MY SLEE P

_Kaede Akamatsu has added Maki Harukawa to the chat._

Kaede Akamatsu: Final warning, Iruma-san.

Gonta Gokuhara: Hello friends!!!

Gonta Gokuhara: Gonta heard weird sounds coming from his student handbook…

Gonta Gokuhara: I avoided it at first, but it kept buzzing…

Gonta Gokuhara: But it turns out it was nothing harmful, it was just something called ‘Friendship!’

Gonta Gokuhara: So Gonta didn’t worry when he clicked on this!

Kaede Akamatsu: Hello, Gokuhara-kun! Welcome to the group chat!

Shuuichi Saihara: uh guys where did momota-kun go

I LOVE GIRLS: i think he’s crying

Maki Harukawa: yeah he’s crying

I LOVE GIRLS: good job angie-chan

Angie Yonaga: (๑˘︶˘๑)

Gonta Gokuhara: Wait!!

Gonta Gokuhara: What happened to Momota-kun?!

Gonta Gokuhara: Is he okay??

I LOVE GIRLS: he’s fine the degenerate just got what he deserved

Gonta Gokuhara: Oh, okay…

moonman: DON’T BELIEVE HER GOKUHARA

avocado weed man: that was fast

Gonta Gokuhara: Gonta is unsure of what to do…

Kaede Akamatsu: It’s fine, Gokuhara-kun, just ignore everything they’re saying

i’m girls: wow okay

avocado weed man: rip

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Good morning, fellow classmates.

Kirumi Tojo: It is evening, Shinguuji-kun.

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Good evening.

avocado weed man: man are u okay

Korekiyo Shinguuji: I’m fine myself, it’s just difficult to grasp the concept of time when you’ve been in complete darkness for several hours now.

Shuuichi Saihara: um

i’m girls: um

moonman: um

tits mcgee: wtf

I LOVE GIRLS: boy you better not be hiding in my room and stalking me

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Worry not, Chabashira-san. It isn’t your room.

I LOVE GIRLS: or any of the girls’ rooms

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Well.

tits mcgee: ew

tits mcgee: youre probably lurking in my room aren’t ya you nasty pervert

tits mcgee: you just want a piece of this hot ass

Korekiyo Shinguuji: My apologies, Iruma-san, but I am more interested in the behaviorisms of humanity rather than breasts.

tits mcgee: well fuck you too stick man

avocado weed man: if it isn’t chabashira’s room or iruma’s room

avocado weed man: then whose is it

Angie Yonaga: well it’s not angie’s… kami-sama would have told her if there was someone else inside the room… (￣□￣」)

Korekiyo Shinguuji: I’m afraid I can’t disclose that information, Amami-kun.

Korekiyo Shinguuji: After all, I

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Asjghr

moonman: ???

Korekiyo Shinguuji: Dhqke lrtw

avocado weed man: i can’t believe shinguuji-kun just fucking died

Gonta Gokuhara: W hat/?

Gonta Gokuhara: Shngujui-kun is d e ad?? ?

Kaede Akamatsu: Shinguuji-kun is perfectly fine, Gokuhara-kun!

Kaede Akamatsu: Look what you did, Amami-kun, you made Gokuhara-kun crytype!

avocado weed man: oops

_Korekiyo Shinguuji changed their name to stalkers get sent to the time-out corner._

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: Hey guys, Tsumugi here

i’m girls: well at least we know who he was stalking

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: I’m just writing from Shinguuji-kun’s student handbook because I found him hiding in my closet

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: I have no idea how long he was there… but anyway!

Gonta Gokuhara: Is Shinguuji-kun okay??

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: Oh he’s fine he’s just staring at the screen solemnly

Kaede Akamatsu: Oh, Shirogane-san… maybe it’d be best if you gave him his handbook back and texted from yours?

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: Good idea!

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: Thank you, Shirogane-san. I’ll be leaving your room.

Kaede Akamatsu: By the way, how come you weren’t online before?

_Tsumugi Shirogane has changed their name to Tsumuwugi._

moonman: what in god’s name is that shirogane

Angie Yonaga: *kami-sama’s name (・`ω´・)

moonman: ffs

Tsumuwugi: Weeeell, I was too busy rewatching Sailor Moon, so I didn’t even notice any notification!

Tsumuwugi: I’m here now though since Shinguuji-kun distracted me…

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: My apologies.

Tsumuwugi: And to answer your question, Momota, it’s an emoticon! uwu

Angie Yonaga: (っ˘ω˘ς )

moonman: it was a rhetorical question damn it

Maki Harukawa: i’m surprised you even know the meaning of rhetorical

moonman: i

i’m girls: hey shinguuji-kun

i’m girls: aren’t you gonna change your name back?

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: I suppose I might.

Angie Yonaga: w(°ｏ°)w wait!!!

Angie Yonaga: kami-sama just told angie to give korekiyo a name that truly captures his essence!!

stalkers get sent to the time-out corner: Feel free to do so.

Angie Yonaga: here it goes!! (o_ _)ﾉ彡☆

_Angie Yonaga has changed stalkers get sent to the time-out corner’s name to kork._

avocado weed man: I just spat out my tea

tits mcgee: WHWHAT THE F UCK IS THIS BAHAHA

kork: …Thank you, Yonaga-san.

_Angie Yonaga has changed their name to yknowlikenya._

yknowlikenya: kami-sama also told angie to change her name to this

moonman: but WHY

yknowlikenya: because…

yknowlikenya: yknow… like…

moonman: don’t say it

yknowlikenya: nya \\(★ω★)/

_moonman has left the chat._

_Kaede Akamatsu has added moonman to the chat._

moonman: no please just end my suffering

I LOVE GIRLS: suck it up degenerate

Shuuichi Saihara: um guys

avocado weed man: oh i was starting to think you died

Shuuichi Saihara: haha not yet

i’m girls:

moonman:

kork:

tsumuwugi:

Kaede Akamatsu: …Saihara-kun, you know you can talk to me any time, right?

Shuuichi Saihara: i

Shuuichi Saihara: i was joking guys

Gonta Gokuhara: Is Saihara-kun okay?

Shuuichi Saihara: i’m FINE i was kidding

Shuuichi Saihara: moving on

Gonta Gokuhara: We all love and care about you, Saihara-kun!

Shuuichi Saihara: MOVING ON

Shuuichi Saihara: but thank you, gokuhara-kun

Shuuichi Saihara: i was reading the chat and i noticed we’re one person short

Shuuichi Saihara: is ouma-kun offline or something…?

avocado weed man: oh no he was just never added to the chat

avocado weed man: i saw the list of members when the chat started and noticed ouma wasn’t there

I LOVE GIRLS: and you never said anything about it??

Kaede Akamatsu: You didn’t need to say that Amami-kun…

avocado weed man: oops

tits mcgee: PFF not even bakamatsu wants him around

Maki Harukawa: can’t say I blame her

Kaede Akamatsu: I’m adding him now!! Jeez

Kirumi Tojo: While I agree that adding Ouma-kun would complete our circle, I advise you not to add him right now.

Kirumi Tojo: It is getting late. I suggest we all go to sleep. Ouma-kun’s antics may keep us up all night, so it’s best to add him in the morning.

i’m girls: is that tojo-speak for “i don’t want ouma around either”

Kirumi Tojo: I will neither confirm nor deny that.

moonman: can’t believe even tojo doesn’t want the gremlin around

Ryoma Hoshi: you called?

i’m girls: omg

moonman: HOSHI NO

moonman: i was talking about ouma

moonman: you’re a cool guy and I respect you

moonman: i wouldn’t call you a gremlin

I LOVE GIRLS: also he’s afraid of getting shanked

moonman: DONT S AY IT IN FRNOT OF HI M

Ryoma Hoshi: hmm

Ryoma Hoshi: well i’m out of here for now

_Ryoma Hoshi has gone offline._

avocado weed man: you just barely avoided getting shanked momota-kun

moonman: i know,,

Kirumi Tojo: Like I said before, it is best if we go to sleep now.

Kirumi Tojo: Goodnight, everyone.

Kirumi Tojo has gone offline.

kork: Tojo-san is right. I shall be leaving too.

I LOVE GIRLS: you’re not gonna stalk people in the dead of night are you

_kork has gone offline._

I LOVE GIRLS: fucker

I LOVE GIRLS: well himiko-chan, if that degenerate bothers you, just call me!! <3

i’m girls: sure <3

_I LOVE GIRLS has gone offline._

_i’m girls has gone offline._

moonman: well idk how i’ll get sleep when im fearing for my life, but i’m leaving too i guess

moonman: hey harumaki what’re you gonna do now

_Maki Harukawa has gone offline._

moonman: oh

tits mcgee: get FUCKED

tits mcgee: well i don’t want to stick around with you losers anymore so bye

_tits mcgee has gone offline._

_moonman has gone offline._

avocado weed man: rude

avocado weed man: although I do need my Beauty Sleep™

Shuuichi Saihara: okay??

avocado weed man: so cya

_avocado weed man has gone offline._

Tsumuwugi: Well, that was fun while it lasted

Tsumuwugi: I’m going back to my anime now, so bye!

_Tsumuwugi has gone offline._

yknowlikenya: angie needs to rest so that kami-sama can create more art tomorrow!!

yknowlikenya: good nyight!!

_yknowlikenya has gone offline._

Gonta Gokuhara: Oh, Gonta should leave too, then!

Gonta Gokuhara: Bye friends!!

_Gonta Gokuhara has gone offline._

Shuuichi Saihara: ah, i suppose i should be going too…

Shuuichi Saihara: goodnight, everyone

Kaede Akamatsu: Night, Saihara-kun!

_Shuuichi Saihara has gone offline._

Kaede Akamatsu: Ah, it’s just me in the chat now…

Kaede Akamatsu: Well, goodbye to anyone who sees this later!

_Kaede Akamatsu has gone offline._

**[2:47 a.m.]**

_avocado weed man has come online._

_avocado weed man has added Kokichi Ouma to the chat._

_avocado weed man has gone offline._

Kokichi Ouma: hello motherfuckers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first time i wrote a texting fic im sorry you had to read this catastrophe,,
> 
> also if any of the usernames seem familiar from existing fics I Am Sorry it wasn't intentional and i'm just uncreative rip
> 
> also where's kiibo? who knows. he'll show up eventually


	2. Ouma's Revenge (Read: Ouma Throws a Tantrum)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaede Akamatsu: What’s going on? I thought everyone was supposed to be asleep…
> 
> owoma: you.
> 
> Kaede Akamatsu: I
> 
> Kaede Akamatsu: You’re not supposed to be here
> 
> owoma: you CUCK
> 
> dumb old door: rip akamatsu

**[2:48 a.m.]**

_Kokichi Ouma has changed their name to owoma._

owoma: you fools.

owoma: you absolute buffoons. you think you can challenge me in my own realm? you think you can rebel against my authority? you dare come into my house and upturn my dining chairs and spill coffee grounds in my Keurig? you thought you were safe in your chain mail armor behind that screen of yours. I will take these laminate wood floor boards and destroy you. I didn’t want war. but i didn’t start it.

_Shuuichi Saihara has come online._

Shuuichi Saihara: wh

_owoma has changed Shuuichi Saihara’s name to succi._

succi: who let ouma-kun in at 3 am

succi: ouma-kun WHAT

owoma: you all thought you could get rid of me that easily?

owoma: that was your biggest mistake

owoma: iiiiiiiit’s punishment time!

_i’m girls has come online._

i’m girls: its 3amm I was slepign who tf is t

i’m girls: why is he here

i’m girls: is that some obscure game reference

_owoma has changed i’m girls’s name to dumb old door_

dumb old door: ?????????

owoma: NONE OF YOU’RE GETTING ANY SLEEP

owoma: WAKE

owoma: UP

owoma: RIGHT

owoma: NOWW

_I LOVE GIRLS has come online._

I LOVE GIRLS: himiko-chan what happened!!

I LOVE GIRLS: FUCK IT’S A GREMLIN

owoma: im not hoshi

_owoma has changed I LOVE GIRLS’s name to thot._

thot: YOU PIECE OF HORSE SHIT

thot: IM GONNA KILL YOu

owoma: you don’t even know where I am

owoma: also jeez sending multiple messages like that?? smh youre waking the others up

succi: that’s a bit hypocritical…

_kork has come online._

kork: Ah, I thought everyone was asleep…

owoma: ok you know what your name is weird enough

owoma: you can stay

kork: I was hoping for a name change.

thot: ok I’ll change your fucking name

_thot has changed kork’s name to CREEPY STICK MAN._

CREEPY STICK MAN: Offensive yet accurate.

_Maki Harukawa has come online._

Maki Harukawa: why are we chatting at 3 am.

_owoma has changed Maki Harukawa’s name to murder._

murder: i’ll be murdering you all right

owoma: if you can find me (´｡• ω •｡`)

_moonman has come online._

moonman: whats going on

moonman: ok the FIRST thing I see at like 3 am is a GOD DAMN EMOJI

_owoma has changed moonman’s name to ╰(▔∀▔)╯._

╰(▔∀▔)╯: WHAT THE FU CK

╰(▔∀▔)╯: WHY WO ULD YOU DO THAT

thot: stop yelling

╰(▔∀▔)╯: NO

thot: STOP YELLING

╰(▔∀▔)╯: YOURE YE LLING

_Tsumuwugi has come online._

Tsumuwugi: this is distracting me from my anime smh

succi: you were awake the entire time??

owoma: your name can stay too

╰(▔∀▔)╯: BUT YOU CHANGE MY NAME TO A FUCING EM OJI??? ?

_yknowlikenya has come online._

yknowlikenya: (・`ω´・)

╰(▔∀▔)╯: god now SHES here

owoma: ヾ(´ ▽ ` )

yknowlikenya: \\(★ω★)/ *kami-sama

_╰(▔∀▔)╯has left the chat._

_owoma has added ╰(▔∀▔)╯to the chat._

╰(▔∀▔)╯: i hate you

_Kirumi Tojo has come online._

_Gonta Gokuhara has come online._

_owoma has changed Kirumi Tojo’s name to maid mom_

maid mom: …You changed my name before I could even say anything?

maid mom: Also, please do not call me mom.

_owoma has changed Gonta Gokuhara’s name to bee fucker._

bee fucker: Gonta is not sure what that means…?

bee fucker: But Akamatsu-san said it was not a friendly word!

owoma: oh it’s a very friendly word

owoma: fucker means someone who really loves and appreciates that thing

bee fucker: Oh!

bee fucker: In that case, I am a bee fucker!

owoma: you sure are big guy

thot: i can’t believe you’re corrupting the only decent male here

succi: what about me

thot: i stand by what i said

succi: oh okay then

_tits mcgee has come online._

tits mcgee: what the SHIT is going on

tits mcgee: i was just trying to get some goddamn sleep and now I see this

tits mcgee: oh

tits mcgee: who tf let the virgin in

owoma: you mean yourself?

tits mcgee: BITCH

_owoma has changed tits mcgee’s name to virgin._

owoma: the only dick you’ll ever get is robot dick <3  <3 <3

virgin: BITCHC I WILL C UT YOU

_Kaede Akamatsu has come online._

Kaede Akamatsu: What’s going on? I thought everyone was supposed to be asleep…

owoma: you.

Kaede Akamatsu: I

Kaede Akamatsu: You’re not supposed to be here

owoma: you CUCK

dumb old door: rip akamatsu

Kaede Akamatsu: LISTEN

_owoma has changed Kaede Akamatsu’s name to kayeeyyaydayey._

kayeeyyaydayey: I WAS GOING TO ADD YOU IN THE MORNING

kayeeyyaydayey: What

owoma: i will never let you rest in peace.

owoma: not after your betrayal.

virgin: betray’all

╰(▔∀▔)╯: stop

kayeeyyaydayey: LI STEN IT WAS FOR THE BEST

owoma: i welcomed you into my home with open arms.

succi: ouma-kun are you okay

CREEPY STICK MAN: Let him continue.

succi: i

succi: okay

owoma: only for you to stab me in the heart.

dumb old door: don’t you mean back

owoma: stab me through the heart into my back.

dumb old door: or that

kayeeyyaydayey: IT WAS A MISTAKE I DIDN’T EXCLUDE YOU ON PURPOSE

owoma: i trusted you, akamatsu.

owoma: and now? that trust has been shattered. forever.

thot: come on degenerate we already have saihara being emo

succi: what did i ever do to you

thot: be a man

owoma: you pushed me to the edge.

succi: all my friends are dead

thot: do you see what I mean

succi: sorry

owoma: you broke me. and i can’t be mended.

 ╰(▔∀▔)╯: aren’t you being too dramatic

yknowlikeynya: angie is enjoying this

owoma: you left me no choice but to hurt you as well.

kayeeyyaydayey: WHO ADDED YOU HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE

maid mom: I believe it was Amami-kun.

owoma: yeah he’s the only loyal member of my harem

owoma: looking at you saihara-chan >:((

succi: don’t recall ever being part of it

virgin: did your dramatic speech end yet I want to sleep

owoma: yeah it’s p much over

owoma: I just wanted to ruin everyone’s night <3

CREEPY STICK MAN: You weren’t unsuccessful…

Tsumuwugi: I’m back from my anime and I see you’re all still talking…

Tsumuwugi: Idk what happened and I don’t really want to know

succi: okay but

succi: why did amami-kun add ouma-kun to the chat anyway

kayeeyyaydayey: THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW

Tsumuwugi: He’s not online, though

virgin: greasy boy added the virgin grape and left immediately

╰(▔∀▔)╯: and made us all suffer

dumb old door: so it was all amami’s fault…

thot: expected of a male to run off after doing that

murder: that’s cool and all but

murder: now that ouma’s done with his spiel I’m off to kill him

owoma: but you don’t even know where I’m hidingg~

_Ryoma Hoshi has come online._

owoma: CRYPTID SPOTTED

owoma has changed Ryoma Hoshi’s name to CRYPTID.

CRYPTID: ouma’s in the third floor girl’s bathroom

_CRYPTID has gone offline._

owoma: NO

owoma: FUCK

thot: whAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE GIRLS’ BATHROOM YOU SHITSTAIN

murder: cool. I’m headed there

owoma: FUc k THERES No WINDOW TO CLI MB OTU OF

dumb old door: kick his ass babe

thot: <3

thot: STAY WHERE YOU ARE MENACE IM COMING FOR YOU

owoma: SAIRHAA-C HAN HEL P ME

succi: ask amami

virgin: AIR HORNSSSS

bee fucker: Gonta is going back to bed.

_bee fucker has gone offline._

╰(▔∀▔)╯: holy shit not even gokuhara cares about ouma

yknowlikenya: tenko, maki, be sure to leave enough blood for kami-sama~

owoma: N O PLE AES

CREEPY STICK MAN: I wonder if I should go there to see how it all plays out.

thot: no stay in your creepy stalker basement

murder: why are you locking yourself in the cubicle ouma

owoma: I TAK E IT BS CK

thot: you aren’t taking anything back

kayeeyyaydayey: I’m really not sure what to say about this…

kayeeyyaydayey: Well, I’ll just talk to Amami-kun to see why he did this

Tsumuwugi: I never expected my night to go like this…

Tsumuwugi: Not complaining about the Ouma ass-kicking though

╰(▔∀▔)╯: hey harumaki any update on ouma

murder: chabashira and I kicked down the door. he fainted before we could do anything

maid mom: I believe that’s the end of that.

maid mom: Now then, please go back to sleep.

murder: do we just leave him here though

thot: yeah just leave him let’s go back

╰(▔∀▔)╯: rip ouma

╰(▔∀▔)╯: i mean he deserves it

╰(▔∀▔)╯: look at this godforsaken emoji

yknowlikenya: kami-sama likes it ヾ (`ヘ ') ノ ゙

_murder has changed ╰(▔∀▔)╯’s name to moonman._

moonman: THANK

murder: now that he’s gone i think the rest of you should also go to sleep

murder: before i put you to sleep

_murder has gone offline._

succi: um

succi: yeah let’s just go sleep, we have class tomorrow

**[3:28 a.m.]**

_kayeeyyaydayey has opened a private chat with avocado weed man._

kayeeyyaydayey: Amami-kun, what was the meaning of adding Ouma-kun like that?!

kayeeyyaydayey: I said I’d do it in the morning…

kayeeyyaydayey: This is exactly what Tojo-san predicted!

kayeeyyaydayey: Are you there?

kayeeyyaydayey: I’m sure you’re not asleep…

kayeeyyaydayey: Hello???

_avocado weed man has come online._

avocado weed man: :)

_avocado weed man has gone offline._

kayeeyyaydayey: BTICH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow guys i cant believe ouma's fucking dead
> 
> anyway i won't usually post this fast--i only posted this because i wrote it beforehand
> 
> i'm surprised people are enjoying it but THANK


	3. Harem Wars (and Kiibo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> owoma: i’m really hurt, you know!!
> 
> succi: no you’re not
> 
> owoma: yeah i’m not

**[4:12 p.m.]**

_dumb old door has come online._

dumb old door: last night sucked

dumb old door: i kept falling asleep in class because of it…

_thot has come online._

thot: it’s okay himiko-chan!!

thot: if it makes you feel better, that degenerate grape’s night was ruined too

dumb old door: true

_dumb old door has changed their name to magic is gay._

_thot has changed their name to aikido is gay._

_succi has come online._

aikido is gay: here comes one of the better degenerates

succi: um

succi: thanks??

magic is gay: hey saihara-kun

succi: hi

_kayeeyyaydayey has come online._

_kayeeyyaydayey has changed their name to Clair de Lune._

Clair de Lune: Jeez…

Clair de Lune: Last night really was a mess, wasn’t it?

succi: well, it wasn’t your fault, akamatsu-san

aikido is gay: it was the fault of not one but TWO degenerates

_owoma has come online._

aikido is gay: HISSSSSSSSSSS

owoma: i sensed someone was talking about me :D

owoma: but nvm it’s just a cheap prostitute

aikido is gay: YOU WANT A REPEAT OF LAST NIGHT??

owoma: last I checked

owoma: you weren’t even able to do anything!

owoma: I fainted on my own~

succi: you sound strangely proud of that

_CREEPY STICK MAN has come online._

CREEPY STICK MAN: Hello, everyone.

CREEPY STICK MAN: It seems we are all still recovering from Ouma’s tantrum last night.

owoma: >:((

owoma: rude

owoma: it wasn’t a tantrum it was a PUNISHMENT for all of you because you excluded me from the chat >:((

magic is gay: for good reason

Clair de Lune: Well, welcome to the chat, Ouma-kun…

owoma: you don’t sound happy about it at all

owoma: i’m really hurt, you know!!

succi: no you’re not

owoma: yeah i’m not

magic gay: anyway has anyone seen amami-kun on the chat since he added ouma

aikido is gay: yeah where is he!! he’s got a lot of explaining to do

aikido is gay: and an ass to get kicked

Clair de Lune: I tried asking him about it but all he gave me was a smiley before going offline again…

owoma: come onnnn

owoma: he only did it because he loves me <3

owoma: unlike a certain emo detective

succi: like i said i’m not in your harem,

owoma: it’s okay saihara-chan!

owoma: even if you betrayed the harem we’re kind and accepting and will take you back

_virgin has come online._

_virgin has changed their name to tits mcgee._

tits mcgee: well well well if it isn’t the grape slut

owoma: i didn’t know you were a slut for me!! :o

tits mcgee: bitch u know what i meant

tits mcgee: anyway if we’re talking about harems I’ve obviously got the biggest

tits mcgee: everyone’s panties get soaked just at the thought of the shsl inventor miu iruma

magic is gay: idk i just thought about you and i immediately thought tenko is better

tits mcgee: only because you don’t have standards donkey lips

magic is gay: be careful what you say or else I’ll cast a boob shrinking curse on you

tits mcgee: did ya cast that on yourself??

Clair de Lune: Let’s not fight!

owoma: yeah!!

owoma: because let’s be real I have the largest harem

owoma: iruma-chan doesn’t have a harem

owoma: and chabashira-chan only has yumeno-chan

owoma: meanwhile, I’ve got THREE members!

owoma: we’ve got amami-chan

owoma: saihara-chan

succi: no,

owoma: and kiiboy!

CREEPY STICK MAN: For a moment I forgot about the robot’s existence…

succi: tbh I think we all did?

succi: where is he anyway

owoma: hmmmmm seems I wasn’t the only victim of akamatsu-chan’s cold heart

Clair de Lune: Kiibo-kun is a different case!

owoma: you aren’t denying what you did to me

Clair de Lune: Shut

Clair de Lune: Anyway, the only reason I haven’t added Kiibo-kun is because he doesn’t have the chat software within him…

tits mcgee: wait

tits mcgee: are you fuckin serious bakamatsu

Clair de Lune: What do you mean…?

tits mcgee: listen if all you needed for that hot piece of metal to join this chat was the software

succi: why that nickname

tits mcgee: then you should’ve just gotten on your knees and begged me to install it into him!!

tits mcgee: and then I’d just unscrew kiibo open

tits mcgee: get inside him to find his memory disk

tits mcgee: and fill him up with that sweet sweet code

CREEPY STICK MAN: I believe this is what you call a wet dream.

tits mcgee: i’d push the memory disk deep into him

Clair de Lune: I don’t think you need to explain in further detail, Iruma-san!!!

aikido is gay: yeah, there are children here!!

aikido is gay: just look at ouma

owoma: just look at yumeno-chan

magic is gay: um rude

aikido is gay: fucker

tits mcgee: fine fine w/e

tits mcgee: give me a sec and ill get that sexy robot ass into this chat

_tits mcgee has gone offline._

succi: looks like kiibo-kun will be here soon

_yknowlikenya has come online._

yknowlikenya: ya-ha!! angie is here (* ^ ω ^)

magic is gay: hey angie

yknowlikenya: (o'▽ `o) ノ

aikido is gay: btw degenerate

succi: please specify

aikido is gay: not you

CREEPY STICK MAN: Please specify.

aikido is gay: ffs the purple one

owoma: (▔∀▔)

aikido is gay: i have to correct you on the harem thing!

aikido is gay: not only do i have himiko-chan in my harem… i also have angie!

owoma: are you sure yonaga-chan agrees?

aikido is gay: of course she does!

yknowlikenya: m (_ _; m) weeeell…

owoma: oh?

aikido is gay: angie-chan??

yknowlikenya: angie is… really only in kami-sama’s harem… (¯ω¯;)

aikido is gay: oh……….. okay……………………………….

aikido is gay: pick a male god over me…….…. it’s fine……………………………..

succi: is chabashira-san… being emo?

aikido is gay: THE ONLY EMO SHIT HERE IS YOU

succi: OK SORRY IT WAS A GENUINE QUESTION IM SORRY

CREEPY STICK MAN: It seems from the look of this that unfortunately, Ouma-kun does have the largest harem…

owoma: what do you mean by unfortunately

magic is gay: largest harem but with the least number of loyal members

succi: ^

succi: also i’m not in your harem,,

owoma: Yes you are, Shuuichi Saihara. You cannot escape the harem. You can never escape.

_owoma has changed succi’s name to kokichi lover #3._

kokichi lover #3: why…….

magic is gay: also why #3 specifically

owoma: because amami-chan is #2!!

CREEPY STICK MAN: In that case, would Kiibo-kun be the first?

owoma: nah kiiboy is #4

Clair de Lune: Then who’s first?

owoma: me

aikido is gay: of course,,

aikido is gay: by the way why the FUCK were you in the girls’ bathroom

aikido is gay: the girls’ bathroom is

aikido is gay: you’d never guess it

aikido is gay: for GIRLS

aikido is gay: not MENACES like you

owoma: :(

owoma: a bigger question is why did hoshi-chan know

Clair de Lune: In my opinion, I don’t think Hoshi-kun is the type of person to stalk girls…

CREEPY STICK MAN: Yes, that is my job.

magic is gay: you’re not even gonna deny that you’re creepy

CREEPY STICK MAN: If it makes you feel better, I stalk the boys too. Just humans in general.

aikido is gay: ok that’s a little better

kokichi lover #3: it really isn’t

yknowlikenya: angie thinks someone must have told ryoma!! ヽ (° 〇 °) ノ

yknowlikenya: but not kami-sama, because yknow

owoma: like nya?

yknowlikenya: No.

magic is gay: omg she used proper grammar

yknowlikenya: because kami-sama only talks to angie!! and kami-sama would let angie know if he also spoke to someone else (^ 人 ^)

kokichi lover #3: hmm

owoma: are your detective senses tingling saihara-chan

kokichi lover #3: please never say that again

kokichi lover #3: but I think hoshi-kun probably found out by chance, seeing as his research lab is close to the girls’ bathroom

kokichi lover #3: there’s a chance he saw ouma-kun running to the bathroom

aikido is gay: OR he’s another degenerate spying on girls

aikido is gay: although saihara’s theory would be better if he values his life

Clair de Lune: I guess we’ll go with Saihara-kun’s theory?

kokichi lover #3: cool

kokichi lover #3: can i change my name now

owoma: no!!

_tits mcgee has come online._

tits mcgee: alright alright I know y’all missed me

magic is gay: y’all

owoma: we didn’t but go on

tits mcgee: although I didn’t miss any of you losers

tits mcgee: but yknow I’m the great miu iruma and I have a kind heart so i’m back bitches

tits mcgee: and I also brought in…

_tits mcgee has added Kiibo to the chat._

tits mcgee: whips

tits mcgee: told you it wouldn’t take long

Kiibo: Hello everyone!

Clair de Lune: It’s good to finally see you here, Kiibo-kun!

_owoma has changed Kiibo’s name to kokichi lover #4._

kokichi lover #4: Iruma-san was kind enough to implement the progr

kokichi lover #4: It

kokichi lover #4: What??

tits mcgee: oh hell no if someone’s changing his name it’s ME

_tits mcgee has changed kokichi lover #4’s name to miu lover #1._

miu lover #1: ???

miu lover #1: I am not sure what’s happening

_owoma has changed miu lover #1’s name to kokichi lover #4 and iruma hater #1._

owoma: listen you robot fucker you’re just sad because kiiboy is in my harem and not yours

kokichi lover #4 and iruma hater #1: What is a harem?

tits mcgee: first off, BITCH

tits mcgee: if it weren’t for me kiibo’s hot ass wouldn’t be here in the first place

tits mcgee: i deserve the credit not you

_tits mcgee has changed kokichi lover #4 and iruma hater #1’s name to I LOVE MIU._

I LOVE MIU: Iruma-san, that’s…!

_Clair de Lune has changed I LOVE MIU’s name to Kiibo._

Clair de Lune: Lay off Kiibo-kun, you two!

Kiibo: Thank you, Akamatsu-san!

_avocado weed man has come online._

avocado weed man: what’s up everyone welcome to my minecraft let’s play

owoma: ok kiiboy you’re no longer the center of attention

Kiibo: Oh :(

tits mcgee: there’s that weed haired motherfucker

avocado weed man: i got a question for everyone tho

avocado weed man: are you still mad at me for letting ouma into the chat

aikido is gay: YES WE ARE

avocado weed man: ah ok just wanted to know

Clair de Lune: Finally!!

Clair de Lune: Now, could you explain why you did that in the first place?

_avocado weed man has gone offline._

Clair de Lune: Not again…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> robot child is finally here and immediately got dragged into a mess,,
> 
> also i don't know how often i'll be updating but i will!! eventually


	4. Kirumeme Tojo and the SHSL Thief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tojo: Hello, Amami-kun.
> 
> Tojo: Care to explain why I found that item in your room?
> 
> moonman: was it an avocado
> 
> avocado weed man: i
> 
> avocado weed man: you know what sure

**[3:44 p.m.]**

_maid mom has come online._

_maid mom has changed their name to Tojo._

Tojo: Good afternoon, everyone.

Tojo: Although no one is online just yet, I believe you all will be reading this message shortly.

_bee fucker has come online._

bee fucker: Hello, Tojo-san!!!

Tojo: Hello, Gokuhara-kun.

Tojo: By the way, I suggest you change your name here.

bee fucker: Really?

bee fucker: But Gonta does appreciate bees and insects of all kinds!

Tojo: I am aware of that, but that is not what that word means.

bee fucker: ?

_Clair de Lune has come online._

Clair de Lune: Hey, everyone!

Tojo: Good afternoon, Akamatsu-san.

bee fucker: Hello, Akamatsu-san!!!

Clair de Lune: GOKUHARA-KUN NO

bee fucker: ???

bee fucker: Did Gonta do something to upset Akamatsu-san…?

Clair de Lune: Gokuhara-kun you sweet summer child

Clair de Lune: You could kill someone in front of my eyes and I’d ask if YOU were okay

bee fucker: Gentlemen never kill anyone!!!!!!

Clair de Lune: Of course you’d never hurt anyone

Clair de Lune: And no it wasn’t your fault it was Ouma-kun’s

Clair de Lune: Just

_Clair de Lune has changed bee fucker’s name to Gonta._

Gonta: Oh, okay!

Gonta: But I am a great bee fucker, so I’m not sure what was wrong…

Clair de Lune: Gokuhara-kun, Ouma-kun lied to you…

Clair de Lune: Don’t use that word!!

Gonta: Sorry! Gonta didn’t realise it was a bad word

Clair de Lune: It’s okay!

Clair de Lune: Whew

_moonman has come online._

moonman: hey guys

_yknowlikenya has come online._

moonman: bye guys

yknowlikenya: (・`ω´・)

_murder has come online._

Clair de Lune: Hi, Momota-kun, Yonaga-san, Harukawa-san!

Gonta: Hello friends!!

moonman: sup harumaki

murder: hey gokuhara-kun and akamatsu-san

moonman: what about me

murder: yeah what about you

moonman: OUCH

_tits mcgee has come online._

tits mcgee: what’s good losers

Tojo: Hello, everyone.

Tojo: As I was saying, I was cleaning everyone’s rooms earlier today.

Tojo: Akamatsu-san, I noticed some of your sheet music was on the floor, so I collected them and placed them in your drawer.

Clair de Lune: Oh, thank you!

Tojo: Gokuhara-kun, do be careful about insects in your room.

Gonta: Sorry!! Gonta thought they were in my lab…

Tojo: It is fine.

Tojo: Harukawa-san, I did not find anything that needed to be cleaned in your room, so I left curtly.

murder: does that mean you didn’t find my secret knife collection

moonman: WHAT

tits mcgee: wTF

Clair de Lune: Harukawa-san, what do you mean?!

murder: it means what it means

Tojo: There is no need to worry; I did not find any weapons. I believe Harukawa-san is joking.

murder: if that’s what you want to think

moonman: i’m a lil concerned

murder: go on tojo-san

Tojo: Yonaga-san, I scrubbed out the spilt paint on your floors. However, I left the pentagram you drew in the middle of the room intact.

yknowlikenya: thanks!! i hope you didn’t move the candles from the circle (^ ▽ ^)

moonman: OK IM A LITTLE MORE THAN CONCERNED NOW

Tojo: Iruma-san, Momota-kun… please make an active effort to not let your rooms become hazard zones.

moonman: I DO

tits mcgee: bitch my room IS clean

Tojo: Momota-kun, your room reeked of dirty clothes.

Tojo: Iruma-san, there were bolts, wrenches, spare Kiibo parts, metal sheets and other equipment lying around everywhere.

tits mcgee: ok FINE you proved your point now shut

Tojo: By the way, Amami-kun isn’t here, is he?

Clair de Lune: No, he’s not online… as usual…

Tojo: I tried raising the matter in a private chat with him, but he left me on read.

tits mcgee: wait wait wait hold on

tits mcgee: did I hear that right did TOJO of all people say "left me on read"??

Tojo: Perhaps bringing this up here will convince him to talk.

_avocado weed man has come online._

avocado weed man: heeeeeey tojo-san how’s it going how’s life

Tojo: Hello, Amami-kun.

Tojo: Care to explain why I found that item in your room?

avocado weed man: idk what you mean seriously

Tojo: You know exactly what I’m talking about.

tits mcgee: skgaklhsar was it a rainbow dildo

avocado weed man: it was not

murder: normal dildo?

avocado weed man: i didn’t expect this from you harukawa

murder: answer the question avocado

avocado weed man: it was not a dildo

yknowlikenya: was it weed?? (°ロ°)

avocado weed man: just because it’s in my username doesn’t mean I do the Weed Drugs™

moonman: was it an avocado

avocado weed man: i

avocado weed man: you know what sure

Tojo: It was none of the above that were mentioned.

Tojo: Rather, I discovered something that you had stolen from me, Amami-kun.

Gonta: Amami-kun is a thief?????

Gonta: Go nta was friedns with a theif?/?

_moonman has changed avocado weed man’s name to a THEIF._

tits mcgee: guess we know your talent shsl kleptomaniac

a THEIF: TOJO IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

Tojo: I won’t hesitate, Amami-kun.

moonman: hold on did tojo just reference a vine,,

tits mcgee: this is the second time tojo’s said something remotely meme-ish today wtf

_tits mcgee has changed Tojo’s name to Kirumeme._

Kirumeme: Amami-kun, I’d like some answers.

yknowlikenya: but!! what did rantarou steal in the first place?

a THEIF: tojo-san,,

a THEIF: i….

a THEIF: am……

a THEIF: sorry……..

a THEIF: for………………….

moonman: it’s the moment of truth what did he steal

yknowlikenya: ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ

a THEIF: stealing your eyeliner

murder: that was anticlimactic

Clair de Lune: You didn’t need to add so many ellipses…

a THEIF: too late for that

Kirumeme: Although I accept your dramatic apology, I’d still like to know why you didn’t use your own.

Kirumeme: After all, from the times I’ve cleaned your room before today, I have noticed you own a large array of makeup.

a THEIF: ALRIGHT SO

a THEIF: one time i ran out of eyeliner

a THEIF: i’m not a savage who’d ever go without eyeliner so i went over to your room to borrow yours

a THEIF: except you weren’t there

a THEIF: i was gonna ask later but then i noticed shinguuji was close by

a THEIF: NO ONE can see me without eyeliner

tits mcgee: are u that ugly

a THEIF: shut

a THEIF: so i panicked, grabbed your eyeliner and RAN

a THEIF: and when i put it on, i noticed……. it was so smooth……….. so much better than the brand i owned…………………………..

a THEIF: then i forgot to give it back

Kirumeme: Ah, I see. In that case, feel free to borrow it if you wish, but remember to give it back to me.

a THEIF: god bless you

yknowlikenya: *kami-sama

tits mcgee: ANYWAY now that that’s done and over with

tits mcgee: tojo do you know memes??????

Kirumeme: Memes?

moonman: you made like two references I’d never expect YOU of all people to make

murder: tbh even I wasn’t expecting that

Gonta: What’s a meme?

Kirumeme: I am familiar with a few.

yknowlikenya: examples!!

Kirumeme: I know the one about her.

Clair de Lune: Who?

Kirumeme: The girl reading this.

tits mcgee: ALHG HSJLGOIW HLF

a THEIF: holy shit she’s an expert

murder: no way

Kirumeme: Now that I’ve finished my business with Amami-kun, I must attend to my duties.

Kirumeme: I have not cleaned a few others’ rooms yet, so I shall be continuing that task now.

Kirumeme: It was nice talking to you all. Goodbye.

Clair de Lune: Bye, Tojo-san!

knowlikenya: bye-onara! ( ´ ∀ ` )ﾉ

_Kirumeme has gone offline._

a THEIF: shit she already left

a THEIF: i was gonna show her [this song I liked](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

Clair de Lune: Ooh, what song?

Clair de Lune: Fucking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i love amami but i didnt know the perfect time to properly bring him back
> 
> also idk the thought of tojo being a Meme Enthusiast?? was funny to me so there she is
> 
> THANK U TO EVERYONE WHO'S READ THIS SO FAR!!!
> 
> there probably won't be any more updates in december but wow i'm surprised i managed to post 4 chapters in a row


End file.
